John Milito's Amazing Adventures

I will admit that this trip was a bit crazy. I'd only been back from the Middle East cruise a few weeks and was already headed back into the fray. It was out of the ordinary for me to take trips so close together but I figured I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a couple reasons. One was that my buddy Mike had come up with the idea to go somewhere and it's super rare for anyone to invite me to go anywhere. Another big reason was that I had just finished up a work contract and so I wouldn't have to use any vacation days. Sometimes you just have to seize the day.

I’ve been so busy with entertaining visitors and other life chores that I hadn’t pondered this trip much. This will be a long time away from Ernie and the weight of that sort of hit me last night. I was getting choked up reading him his bedtime story. I wonder if he will notice that I’m gone and what he’ll think about it. Two weeks is pretty long in the life of a 9 month old baby. I wonder if he will be different in a way I can perceive when I return.

British Mike's journey from the UK to Azerbaijan was much less painful than my own. I flew Lufthansa with a giant layover in Frankfurt.

My next door seat neighbor said she was on her way to Switzerland for an ice climbing competition. Sadly ice climbing destroys the ice, so when they compete they stick their ice picks into plywood climbing wall looking things.

Maybe I’m a travel snob but I enjoy the cluelessness of my fellow travelers.

One guy was complaining about the food selection in the little lounge in SEA airport. The lady kept explaining that the food that was out there was all that was available in her broken English. This isn’t the Ritz knuckle head.

Another good one was while the flight attendant was pushing the drink cart down the aisle. She asked a guy if he wants anything and he made her list everything they were offering. READ THE MENU. When she mentioned juice he asked if is was fresh squeezed. I assume this is a prince on his way back to his castle or something. I worry that some of these peoples' brains have been fresh squeezed.

My Frankfurt layover was so long, in fact, that I decided to stage a jailbreak from the airport and see the sights.

There was a train that went straight to the old town area.

I was excited to try the local apple wine... and got even more interested when I saw there was a hot mulled version.

My complete lack of planning paid off when I found a walking tour lady and signed up on the spot. We started the tour off on a light note with some playful banter at this Nazi book burning memorial in the town square.

Jenn the tour guide was American but had settled in Germany. She had kids in Germany so in addition to Frankfurt history and culture she also had some good insights in the education system of both countries. I am interested in Ernie going to college in Europe so that was useful to hear about. From what I gather college in Europe is much less fun and less of an experience. Like I'm not sure how common on campus housing is for example. It sounds like it's very barebones "take your classes then go home" type of experience which is one reason why it's so inexpensive.

This area was called Römer square, after the Italian wine market that existed here. They periodically set up the town square fountain to dispense wine rather than water.

This area is called the New Old Town because most of these buildings are reproductions, as the originals got blown to bits in WWII.

An artist puts these "stumble stones" in the sidewalk to show were Jewish holocaust victims used to live.

Frankfurt Cathedral sounds way cooler in German: Kaiserdom St. Bartholomäus. St. Bartholomew was one of the 12 disciples and was flayed alive, and so is often depicted with a knife and/or holding his own skin.

The cathedral was the former election and coronation church of the Holy Roman Empire. Some kids who were learning about the history of the place were doing their own little mock election.

Here's ol Bart holding his skin like a creeper.

Anne Frank was born in Frankfurt.

I was excited to visit a little market. Really little markets are a decent percentage of the reasons I leave my house.

I bought an apple streusel thing.

I swigged on a bottle of lovely apple wine while we walked.

Frankfurt's Carmelite Monastery dates back to the Middle Ages.

At the end of the tour we were all saying our goodbyes and Jenn asked "so, who's your favorite holy Roman emperor?" as a joke. I quickly replied Maximilian II. She was super impressed and went on a long spiel about how he was the first emperor crowned at the Frankfurt Cathedral. I was only pretending to have any knowledge though, I just said that because I went to Maximilian I's tomb in Innsbruck, Austria and I got his name wrong.

I bought Lydia a box of Bethmännchen (German Marzipan Cookies) that are popular in Frankfurt, which I then proceeded to lug around the entire trip like a hero.

I wanted to eat some Frankfurter food before I left and after wandering a bit I settled upon Haus Wertheym. Visitfrankfurt.travel says that:

"House Wertheym is the oldest half-timbered house in Frankfurt's old town and the only one to survive the air raids of the Second World War nearly unscathed. Today's building is a Renaissance-style, timber-framed house built around 1600. It served, amongst other things, as a department store, customs house and quarters for the Frankfurt City Guard."

I heard that this "green sauce" was a hit in Frankfurt so I went with some pork schnitzel with the magic sauce on the side. I also appreciated the graphic of the piggy just taking a little nap. The green sauce is comprised of: "The Frankfurt-style is made exclusively from seven fresh herbs, namely parsley, chives, chervil, borage, sorrel, garden cress, and salad burnet together with sour cream, oil, vinegar, mustard, salt and added hard boiled eggs."

Got another apple wine to wash it down. I actually spoke to the guy manning the apple wine shop at the market earlier and asked what he thought about shipping a case of those babies to the great state of Washington. He seemed happy that I asked and was interested, but after emailing back and forth a bit about it later he said the shipping and taxes would make it cost prohibitive. If it wasn't for the oppressive cost of shipping my life would be full of exotic wonders.

The interior of the restaurant was full of fun stuff. This place was clearly a tourist trap but.. I don't care. I had a very nice experience because I'm not an idiot, but at one point a foreign couple were getting yelled at for not wanting the dish that they had pointed at earlier on the menu. Sucks to suck.

Now that I had thoroughly broken Frankfurt's hear with my charms it was time to go back to the airport. Lord, I was born a ramblin' man.

I was able to do a little phone call with my favorites at the airport. Man, back in my day, when you were traveling internationally you were dead to the world. Now you can just chat with whoever whenever.

It was nice to stay in touch with lil' Ern on this trip but it was it was bittersweet. Sometimes he would try to kiss the phone or look behind the phone to find me. Heart wrenching.

I had no seat mates so the Frankfurt to Azerbaijan leg of my journey was quite leggy indeed.

I nibbled my Lufthansa German chocolate while reading Game of Thrones.

The Baku, Azerbaijan airport was pretty empty but pretty nice. Immigration was amusing because all of the officer ladies all had puffy lip injections.